Family Marriage Counseling Has Demonstrated Profound Areas

  • May 20, 2019

Family marriage counseling is based on the premise that individual symptoms can be cured by improving communication skills and conflict-resolution patterns within the overall household. There are many initial reasons why a family may seek out a family marriage counselor. Perhaps an unruly teen is acting out violently in school, abusing drugs, self-harming or binge eating.

Other times, a couple may be locked into a destructive pattern of domestic violence, unable to resolve differences or encountering disputes over child rearing. Regardless of the initial reason, certified counselors will give each member of the family a fresh perspective on how their words and actions influence others.

A professional who is licensed in marriage and family counseling is someone who is trained in psychotherapy and family systems, as well as someone who is licensed to diagnose and treat mental disorders. On average, family and marriage therapists will have thirteen years or more of clinical practice in their field and hold a Master’s or Doctoral degree in marriage therapy and family counseling. Since 1970, the number of marriage family counselors has burgeoned from 237 to 23,000, who are licensed in 48 states and are actively treating more than 1.8 million people.

Studies show that clients of family marriage counseling are extremely satisfied with these services, with 98% citing their sessions as either “good” or “excellent” (Doherty & Simmons). They report improvement in work productivity, coworker relationships, family relationships, spousal relationships, as well as improved community social lives.

Almost 90% of those receiving treatment reported an improvement in emotional health and two-thirds reported an improvement in their overall physical health. In cases of child deviance, 73.7% of the cases resulted in improvement in parent-child relationships, improved child behavior and improved school performance. In cases of physical or mental illness, substance abuse and disruptive behavior, certified counselors can be a huge asset.

Kids and teens often act out in strange ways; taking drugs, falling sullen, expressing anxiety, eating too much or too little, engaging in premature sexual activity, acting out in school or acting disobediently towards their parents. Often, their parent’s reaction to this sort of behavior can exacerbate the situation, even though most parents just want what is best for their child. According to the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, family marriage counseling has demonstrated profound effectiveness in the areas of conduct disorders, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, eating disorders and understanding attention problems.

Keys to Success in a Family Business

  • April 19, 2019

How do you keep a family business together for multiple generations? There is no magic formula to guarantee that this can happen, but you can increase the likelihood that future members of your family will want to join your business by building a solid foundation based on seven characteristics:

Trust

Trust is a key to any successful relationship be it a business, family, or friendship. You must trust that those you work with will do the jobs they are assigned and that their focus is on the success of the organization. Those who see that you place your complete trust in will in turn develop feelings of trust for you and act accordingly.

Mutual Respect

In every relationship there must be mutual respect between the parties involved. When one party feels that they are better, or more important than others, they are taking focus away from the partnerships that can build mutually satisfying relationships. Families are about recognizing each other’s strengths and building upon those of each other; it also involves recognizing each other’s weaknesses and helping to overcome them or build them into strengths. This cannot be done when airs of superiority are presented among family members.

Loyalty

Loyalty is a character trait that is sadly lacking in the business world today; especially concerning is the increasing lack of loyalty among family members. Loyalty among family is more than key to its survival, it is an absolute necessity. Evidenced loyalty will provide family members with the confidence they need to trust each member of the family to do the right thing.

Love

This may seem overly trite, but there must be love between family members. You cannot succeed when those you are dependent on for your success are not close to your heart. If your goal is to keep your business within the family and build it for the benefit of future generations, you must honestly, without ulterior motives, love your family; not just those who are participating in the business, but all members. Love among members of the family will build the loyalty, mutual respect, and trust that are needed to make your business a success.

Service

Service to your customers and clients has always been a topic of discussion among successful organizations. The personal touch of offering clients service above and beyond what they might expect from an impersonal warehouse or department store type business will build a loyal customer base for every organization. In the family business another dynamic comes into play: Service to each other. You are not only striving to serve your customers, but you must serve one another. Family business is about building relationships of service to each other in order to make your business truly work as team and a family unit.

Flexibility

In any business, flexibility is key to survival and profit. It may even be more important in family businesses. As family members come and go, over the years and generations, each will bring different areas of expertise and interest. You must be able to adapt how structure your business, what products you create or offer, and how you actually conduct your business. Allowing family members the freedom and the excitement to bring their own personalities into the business may create a bond between them and the business that will become contagious to others within the organization, establishing a long lasting culture of innovation and flexibility.

Separation

Even though you are involved in a family business, there must be some separation between your business and family relationships. You must be able to separate the events that occur at work and those at home. Though difficult as it may be for families who are involved in a business together, their must be time to set aside the concerns of work and solely focus on building your family relationships. You cannot completely separate the family and the business because that is part of the dynamics that may make it succeed, but as much as possible you need to realize there are differences and a time and place for everything. One especially challenging part of this is when your business happens to be in your home. Having in effect a 24 hour per day business at home will make it difficult to keep the business and family separate. One way is to maintain a separate room in the home where you conduct your business. Once you leave the room, it is just as if you have left your office.

Building a successful multi-generational family business is a daunting task. Building a foundation from the above characteristics will go along way is helping achieve that goal.

Marriage and Relationship Problems

  • April 18, 2019

Couples counseling is designed to understand the behavior patters between people in a relationship to resolve problems more effectively. Couples therapy is a brief, solution-focused technique, which defines specific and attainable treatment goals, and is designed with the outcome in mind. Couples counseling will help people develop strategies for improving their relationships.

The processes of couples counseling teaches you how to take helpful risks to develop a loving relationship. Opportunities to continue personal growth occur throughout life. Individual growth leads to stable committed relationships. Couples therapy encourages emotional growth, which allows people to experience more connected feelings with one another. People develop trust when they feel safe in disclosing your deepest, most private self to their partners. The most effective way to obtain a good outcome in your relationships is to work with an experienced professional, such as a licensed marriage and family counselor.

What types of problems are treated in couples counseling?

The psychotherapy of couples counseling treats specific problems in a relationship such as poor communication, problems getting along, boundary issues with other family members such as parents or grandparents, disagreements about parenting of children, or difficulties with financial stress. Couples therapy shows people a way to live in a more loving and respectful way.

Work or career issues, financial issues, and issues with children and the extended family are the stresses that modern society place on a relationship. In couples counseling, people learn how to deal with the pressures of daily living without destroying their relationship. During the psychotherapeutic process of marriage therapy, couples learn that we are all human and have human flaws. Couples in therapy get the insight that we all have the ability to hurt each other and develop skills to prevent that hurt as much as possible. Partners in the counseling process find they have a safe place to acknowledge hurtful behaviors. People in relationships learn effective communication skills to apologize and express remorse.

How long do people stay in couples therapy?

Couples counseling is designed to address specific issues. Within 10 to 12 sessions, on average, problems will be identified and better behavioral strategies will begin to take effect. The number of sessions is tailored depending on the couple involved and their specific issues.

Often, couples desire to continue sessions with the therapist to reinforce new skills and effective strategies. They realize that cognitive tools can be learned which help produce a more successful relationship. As a couple puts what is learned in the initial sessions into practice, they become motivated to “learn more” as they see they have a more satisfying life with their partner. Often, couples begin marriage therapy in a “crisis” situation. When highly charged emotions begin to retreat, the psychotherapist and the couple can start the real work of learning and refining many skills and techniques to improve the marriage or relationship.

Why use a marriage and family therapist (MFT) for couples counseling and psychotherapy?

Marriage and Family Therapists are specially trained, licensed professionals focusing on relationships, family dynamics and psychotherapy. These professionals diagnose and treat a wide range of emotional and psychological disorders that arise between people in a relationship.

A marriage therapist is specifically trained to listen and analyze issues presented by partners in a relationship in an unbiased fashion. Friends and families of the couple are often very loving and very much want to help but their strong emotional investment with one or both partners makes them unable to understand the psychology of the relationship objectively. Even after the first session with an effective marriage therapist, it is quite common that couples will report a feeling of “hope” that they are doing something positive to help work things out in their relationship.

Will I become a better listener through couples counseling?

During couples counseling, people learn specific methods on how to listen to their partner’s needs. Active listening techniques help people develop empathy with their partner which lets them better understand their partner’s needs and improve their relationship. Relationships and marriages become stronger and more caring and loving when people learn to listen to each other.

Couples psychotherapy involves training in resolving conflicts, eliminating miscommunication, and healing painfully hurt emotions. Any relationship inevitable develops problems. Through therapy, you can to listen fully to your partner’s needs. An experienced marriage, family and couples therapist can teach the people in a relationship specific methods to improve their listening skills.

The therapist can help you stay on track when working on resolving an issue. You learn to resist “making a case” for yourself by bringing in irrelevancies that may only cause pain to the other. Couples therapy can effectively develop communication regarding a difference of opinion, which leads to a comfortable solution for both people.

How will couples counseling help me resolve the conflicts in my marriage?

First, the therapist will help create a safe, warm and trusting relationship for both partners. Next, you work with the therapist understand the nature of the conflict. Often, conflicts result when partners in a relationship differ in a goal or expectation. In couples counseling, the therapist will help you understand each other’s expectations, and help you and your partner learn new ways to communicate to resolve the conflict.

An experienced couples therapist can teach partners in a relationship skills they can use to develop strategies to improve conflict resolution that can adapt over time. People gain an increased ability to listen with understanding to the other person’s views, even though, perhaps, not agreeing on the specific issue. The marriage therapist can demonstrate effective and safe ways to express negative emotions such as hurt and anger in a non-critical and non-confrontational style. Successful conflict resolution results in partners feeling closer and more trusting with each other, strengthening the marriage.

Is couples counseling really effective?

Many studies demonstrate the effectiveness of couples counseling. The vast majority of people in couples therapy report an improvement in how they perceive themselves and their relationship.

Couples counseling is extremely effective in not only helping couples stay together. In fact, as each individual in the relationship continues to grow and maturing, they develop to more functional and positive communication and efficient conflict resolution outcomes in their lives outside of their relationship. Couples counseling, is not a passive thing “done” to a couple, but rather it is “work” done together with the psychotherapist. The counselor and the couple are in positive communion to effect positive results.

Couples therapy is an effective method to understand the behavior of the partners in a relationship and allows effective resolution of relationship problems. A couples counselor treats a variety of specific relationship problems and helps people learn to live more lovingly together. Couples therapy varies in duration, which is designed to provide enough space to address specific relationship issues. Professional marriage and family therapists are highly trained experts that can facilitate therapy for a couple in an unbiased and objective manner. People undergoing couples counseling learn specific skills to become better listeners and resolve conflicts. Overall, people find that couples therapy is effective and report an overall improvement in their well-being and in their relationships.

Relationships Matter Most

  • April 17, 2019

Healthy relationships equal hope filled futures.

The CEO of a California mega firm PIMCO, a $2 trillion investment fund, resigned upon receiving a note from his daughter listing 22 milestones he had missed in her life. His most recently reported annual income was $100 million. His 10 year old daughter’s compelling list of the special moments where he was absent in her life was the turning point to bring a new balance in his work and family relationships. It was the teachable moment for Mr El-Erian.

El-Erian’s said his wake up call was, “My daughter compiled a list of her important events and activities that I had missed due to work commitments. The list contained 22 items, from her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting and a Halloween parade. I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-do, but it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point… I was not making nearly enough time for her.”

El-Erian’s decision has brought better balance in his work/family relationships. He is now chief economic adviser with financial services company, Allianz, where he told Reuters he spends “50 percent of my time and I love it.”

He surrendered the good life for a much better life with less stress and more fulfillment in what matters most—right relationships. El-Erian has upgraded his “investment portfolio” which now prominently includes his daughter. This priceless investment will go on long after El-Rrian is gone to yield dividends for generations to come as well as fulfillment to serve all of them well.

Most young people today are among the majority who do not have a mother and father regularly in their life. Most do not have a mature adult relationship in their life. Their preoccupation is in their impersonal digital and game relationships which is void of personal nurturing relationships.

Family disintegration, absenteeism and the digital pseudo substitute fillers are taking an incalculable and generational toll on the health and well-being of this generation and those to follow. The economic, social, emotional, health, behavioral and addiction costs are having a tsunami impact on the well-being of our culture and nation.What threshold of “pain” and cost will it take for our wake up call?

C.S Lewis, a world class novelist said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain; it is His megaphone that rouses a deaf world.” What it will take for the “deaf” to hear. As a fish desires what’s on the hook, we have no idea what is to come but feel more and more uncertain and aware of the fragility of life.

We are hooked suckers who take the bait. If we are still breathing it is not too late to spit out the hook. Ironically, we change our ways, not when we see the bait, but more often when we feel the “hook.” Not one of us picked our place of birth, nor do we control the variables that shape our future. Fulfillment comes from personal relationships which determine our significance and legacy. If we settle for anything less we are our own thief.

The priceless value of our worth was assigned by God from the beginning of time. When all is said and done, personal relationships with God and others matter most. We can be the difference we want to see in our communities. Seize today to show the better way in personal relationships that matter most.

Child Relationship

  • April 16, 2019

When I first married, I didn’t realize there was a 50 percent chance that my marriage would end in divorce. During our marriage, we had a child and again, I didn’t realize that there was a one in six chance my divorce would turn out to be “high conflict,” and that my child would be used by an angry and vindictive ex to avenge the failure of our marriage. Over the years since my divorce, the mother’s behavior has only intensified. Eventually, I came to learn the meaning of terms such as Parental Alienation (PA), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), and Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP), and experienced how easily the family court system can be manipulated by false allegations.

In 1985, Dr. Richard Garner, a forensic psychiatrist, introduced the concept of PAS in an article, “Recent Trends in Divorce and Custody Litigation,” in which he defined PAS as “a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of programming (brainwashing) by the other parent and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent.” Several years later, Ira Daniel Turkat introduced “Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome.” Behaviors associated with both syndromes are relatively similar, encompassing hostile aggressive parenting behavior in an attempt to alienate the child from the other parent. However, the latter focuses on the mother’s behavior whereas PAS can relate to both the mother and the father. Presently, PA or PAS are the common terms used to define the practice of attempting to alienate a child or children from a parent, regardless of gender.

The American Psychological Association’s (APA) official statement on PAS notes “the lack of data to support so-called parental alienation syndrome and raises concern about the term’s use.” However, the APA states it has “no official position on the purported syndrome.” Advocates against PAS believe it is a form of psychological child abuse, and the APA’s refusal to address PAS leaves “targeted parents” lacking needed resources to fight the problem. At the same time, there are those who discount the validity of PAS and believe it is used as an excuse by abusive parents during custody challenges to explain “the animosity of their child or children toward them.” In certain cases, that may very well be true.

In his article, “New Definition of Parental Alienation: What is the Difference Between Parental Alienation (PA) and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?” Dr. Douglas Darnall focuses on the behavior and defines “parental alienation (PA), rather than PAS, as any constellation of behaviors, whether conscious or unconscious, that could evoke a disturbance in the relationship between a child and the other parent.” Simply put, PA is teaching the child to hate the other parent, leading to estrangement from the parent. By concentrating on the behavior, Dr. Darnall presents a more pragmatic approach to acceptance of PA by attorneys, therapist and family courts.

The tactics or tools that parents use to alienate a child range from simple badmouthing the other parent in front of the child; encouraging others to do likewise, until the child is bombarded with negative remarks on a daily basis; to reporting accusations of abuse or neglect to child protective services or family court. This behavior is known as Hostile Aggressive Parenting. One tactic that author John T. Steinbeck describes in Brainwashing Children is that some “hostile parents who remarry will have the child or children call the stepfather, ‘daddy,’ as a technique used to devalue the biological parent.” Parental Alienation Syndrome is a condition. Hostile Aggressive Parenting is the behavior.

Hostile aggressive parents are unable to move on. They are stuck in the past and focused on avenging the failure of their marriage and the control they had during the marriage. They manipulate the family court and child protective services in an attempt to continue control over their ex-spouse. They accept no responsibility for their actions, blame everyone, and place themselves above the child’s own interest. Therapist turned family law attorney Bill Eddy notes in his article “Personality Disorders and False Allegations in Family Court” that there is a “prevalence of personality disorders in high conflict divorce and custody cases in which false allegations are used.” The most prevalent of these is Borderline Personality Disorder, followed by Narcissistic Personality, and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. This accounts for the lack of empathy toward the child’s emotional state, and the ability to manipulate family court and child protective services so easily. Parents with anti-social personality disorders will play the “victim.” They are experts at manipulating and lying because they actually believe their lies to justify what they are doing.

Not all children can be taught to hate. Some have a very strong bond with the parent. Steinbeck also notes that in certain cases the “alienating parent feels that the other parent has a strong, highly functional relationship with the child or children and is irrationally worried that this positive relationship will somehow affect their relationship with the child.” A child old enough to decide with whom he or she wishes to live with may result in a reversal of financial obligations, as the non-custodial parent is obligated to pay child support and provide medical coverage for the child. HAP may simply be financially motivated. Regardless of the motives, attempting to alienate a child from a parent using hostile aggressive parenting or parental alienation tactics is psychological child abuse.

It is much easier to alienate a child when the child is separated from the parent. False allegations to family court of abuse or neglect will severely limit the relationship between the parent and child and the limited time spent will be under supervision. The Standard Divorce Decree has already reduced the non-custodial parent to a visitor in the child or children’s lives by a visitation schedule of the first, third, and fifth weekends of the month. Now the parent is limited to a “supervised” visitation schedule of three or four hours per month. Supervised visitation programs are just as easily manipulated as family court, e.g., parents simply need to call in at the last minute to seek rescheduling.

Family court will always side with the allegations and the court moves very slowly. Depending on the skill of an attorney, this period of separation could last for months. This gives the “targeting parent” additional time to teach the child to hate the “targeted parent,” as well as draining the “targeted parent’s” financial resources.

An attorney once told me that “the only place people lie more than in family court is at a bar.” Family court is plagued by false allegations simply because they are such an effective tool to quickly sever the parent-child relationship. Family court does not prosecute against false allegations, which is why false allegations have proliferated. Allegations do not need to be specific. Some attorneys advise clients to keep the allegations vague so as not to chance involving investigative agencies such as child protective services, as their reports carry so much weight with the court. An allegation to family court may be as vague as “The father is a danger to the child.” This is enough for the family court to order visitations withheld or supervised, but not specific enough to involve child protective services.

Family court is a guilt-by-accusation system. Once accused, it is the responsibility of the accused to prove the allegations false. The accused parent will most likely be court-ordered to supervised visitations with the child or children, as well as complete a psychological evaluation and meet with mediators and parent coordinators, all at personal cost. He or she also may pay for a forensic investigation, also referred to as a Social Study Evaluation, to prove the allegations false. The accused parent will spend thousands, or perhaps tens of thousands, of dollars proving the accusations false – and in the end, find him/herself financially drained and psychologically exhausted. An accused parent may lose a relationship with the child or children simply because they ran out of money to continue to fight. Unfortunately, this also results in a child losing a loving parent. David Levy, cofounder of the Children’s Rights Counsel and author of The Best Parent is Both Parents, stated: “President Obama talks a lot about absentee fathers who need to take responsibility. (But) he may not realize that there are millions of parents who want to be involved (in their children’s lives).” Fighting for the “child’s right to both parents” is a costly battle – both financially and psychologically. Many parents simply lose because they ran out of money.

Focus on Building Strong Relationships

  • March 17, 2019

You love it when family members visit. If visits are regular it becomes the norm to not expect any gifts. However, when visits occur during the holidays like Independence Day or Christmas or during special occasions like a birthday or graduation material things become expected. This could be a result of family tradition or societal expectations. Family members expect toys, games, clothes and shoes, and sometimes money too. However, if the central focus of the visits is on material things members are not building strong interpersonal relationships. Families develop negative habits by comparing gifts received to those from past years or from other family members. This also involves forming an entitlement attitude where gifts become an obligation instead of being a privilege. However, by switching the focus to recreation, hobbies and events members will value you as a person and respect your time and attention. You will also notice an increase in confidence and self-esteem levels of everyone.

Test Your Own Family

To test if your family welcomes you based on your gift then at your next family visit do not carry the gifts with you. Instead you could have them brought over by a friend or shipped to arrive a few days after you get there. Then when you show up at their homes watch their faces carefully to see if they still feel great to see you or act disappointed. Some might walk away to get back to whatever activities they were engaging in. You can wait even further to see if they will ask if you brought gifts or if it becomes the center of the conversation. Later, after you have made enough observations then you can let them know that gifts are coming and then watch their expressions then.

Family Visits

Family members that visit very often are a part of everyday life. However, for persons that live far away then seeing them becomes a special event. These visits usually take place during the holidays when they can get time off from work. For e.g. some popular holidays are Christmas Day, Independence Day, and Thanksgiving Day. There are also special occasions when family members feel obligated to visit such as during a birthday, graduation or wedding celebrations.

Material Things

When families visit each other material things are usually a way of expressing love. However, if it becomes an expectation then the focus is on the amount of money spent instead of the time and effort that went into purchasing the gifts. Some popular examples of gifts are cameras, smartphones, sports equipment, toys, video games, jewellery. Older family members usually receive gift cards or money.

Negative Results

When the focus is on material things members use the monetary value of the gifts to grade visits. Hence, family members compare the things that they receive to those that they got in the past years. They might also compare items to those received from others or those owned by friends or neighbours. They might even develop an entitlement attitude and view these material things as an obligation. If nothing is given or they do not get what they expected then they become angry, disappointed and might even ignore members during the visit. Therefore, this causes little or no interpersonal relationships to develop. Interpersonal relationships focus on treating each person as an important member of the group, communicating with each other, having trust in each other and showing commitment to the well-being of that person. Hence, without it the family is not really bonding with each other.

Solution

In order to get each member to focus on the time and effort that it takes you to visit, then do not focus on material things. While you can choose to bring gifts occasionally practice on engaging with each other. This means participating in activities or hobbies such as playing board games, creating scrapbooks, using art and craft supplies, telling stories from your past or reading from a story book. You can also go out to the concerts, museums, parks or to sports games. This would help each other to learn and grow. Use your money, time and effort for building up talents, skills and life experiences. These would strengthen interpersonal relationships and each member would have more self-confidence and better self-esteem levels.

You cherish every visit that you take to see your family members. You also took the time and effort to bring gifts for them. However, you do not want them to consider your visit worthwhile only when you bring material things. Instead, skip the gift giving sometimes when you visit during the holidays or on special occasions. Instead focus on communicating, and participating in recreation, hobbies and events. These will help to build stronger interpersonal relationships which in turn will increase the level of confidence and esteem for each family member.

Steps to Improved Confidence in Relationships

  • March 15, 2019

A fulfilling relationship can enrich your life, provide security, contentment, happiness and joy.

But what defines a good relationship? Well a relationship based on equality, in which you feel free to be yourself at all times and which also makes you feel good, is a start! Rewarding relationships are not about point scoring, you freely do things for the other person and they do the same for you. They should provide support thought the bad times and fun at all other times.

Obviously there are many different types of relationships; family, friends, colleagues and romantic relationships, and the dynamics are all slightly different. However the following 3 steps can help all relationships become stronger.

1. Never become dependent.

Have you ever fallen into the trap of ‘putting all your eggs in one basket?’ This often happens with first loves – the whole world now revolves around your new love, the feelings are immense, overwhelming and even a little scary. You want to spend every waking moment with that person, nothing else matters. It is easy to lose contact with friends, see your family less and then if the relationship ends or sours you are left vulnerable, alone and a little lonely. You then need to go back to the drawing board and put in the effort to resurrect the old friendships and develop new ones, to provide much needed support.

This can happen at any time, in any relationship and it is essential for your confidence, and for strong relationships, to maintain some outside interests. See your friends regularly, make time for family, pursue hobbies without your partner. Of course I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to develop mutual interests, but just don’t lose your own identity. After all that is what attracted your partner or friends in the first place!!

2. Stand up for what you believe in – never be afraid of a disagreement.

There are times when you want to avoid confrontation, disagreements or full blown arguments, so you keep your opinions to yourself and simply agree with the other person. This is not necessarily wrong – if you can’t be bothered to argue over what to watch on telly, then fine!

But when it comes to the more fundamental aspects of your beliefs, desires and opinions, always express what you think. A good debate or even argument can stimulate a relationship, keep it fresh, and open channels of communication..Put your opinions across in a non confrontational way – being assertive is very, very different to being arrogant or aggressive. Always listen carefully to the other persons views and never resort to personal insults. Where appropriate, try to find compromise, not win the argument.

Stay focused on the issue. Arguing about one topic or event is fine but do not bring in old disagreements. The fact your boyfriend came home late and drunk last year is not relevant to today’s disagreement about where to go on holiday!

3. Don’t become complacent.

A relationship can become stale, boring and seem like more of a chore that a pleasure if you don’t put in the effort to keep it vibrant. Endeavour to do something nice for the other person at least once a week, and without expecting anything in return. Run a hot bath for your partner, cook your friends or family a delicious lunch or help a colleague use that new system.

Be inventive and don’t throw money at it. While gifts are great occasionally, small thoughtful gestures are much more effective in improving relationships.

Taking a time out now and again can bring new depths to a relationship – take a short break without your partner, don’t contact colleagues or friends when you are on holiday, and always make some time out just for yourself.

Relationships – Family Dynamics

  • March 13, 2019

When do you start to change the family dynamics?

Is it you or the children to change?

Within each family there are different situation that is played out each day
and it is sometimes difficult for the families to understand or heal their differences.
Some of these family dynamic are the parents are not satisfy with their children’s behaviour and are constantly blaming their children for not acting, listening or not doing what are ask of them.

Many parents give to their children material things because the parents do not want their children to feel deprive, not good enough or miss out on what they did not get when they were small.
Some parents over give to their children and are later upset that their children is not doing things around the home such as cleaning their room or helping around the home when some thing need attending to because the parents feel that the children should know better.

Many parents feel that their children should be grateful and show it by cleaning up their room or helping around the home and sometimes resent their children.
If the parents did not give to their children to do chores around the home, or to participate in family clean up, it is difficult that the children will start doing this on their own.

Blaming the children for not cleaning up is not the answer.
Having the children earn the things they want by having them do chores around the home.
By setting up a list of things to do around the home that can be rotated every couple of weeks can be another easy way to remove boredom.

Teaching the children that with each action they take or not take has an impact on themselves and others.
How about changing the roles for a day where the children gets to be the parent and the parents gets to be the children and see what lessons can be learn from this.

Family Relationship Problems

  • February 12, 2019

One of the most difficult matters to confront when it comes to family relationships is that you don’t have complete control over it. You cannot control another member of your family. You can’t change them and you can’t fix them and you can’t make them be like you. It takes at least two to tango.

Sometimes you can get another member of your family to change but I wouldn’t count on it. Another option is to accept them just the way they are. This can cause resentment, if your needs are not being met by this person or especially if this person steps over your boundaries.

A third option exists and that is to change yourself in a way that solves the problem. In this case, you need to redefine the problem as an internal one instead of an external one. Your solution will then take the form of an expansion of your awareness as you change your beliefs.

When someone upsets you or causes you frustration, they are reflecting back to you a part of yourself that you dislike. I always say that when someone annoys you, you are looking in the mirror. The mirror will reflect a conflict that you have in your own thinking. As long as you look outside your problem for the answer, you will never resolve that external problem. It may become easier to solve when you look inside for a solution.

Your belief system is at the core of the problem. When you harbor one or more beliefs that perpetuate the relationship problem in its present form, it is the actual beliefs that are the real problem, hence the unhealthy relationship.

An example of this is, perhaps you have the belief that family members are always more important to you than any other relationships. I thought that when I was twelve years old. My sister was my best friend and one day she met a new girl in school and didn’t want me around any more. I was hurt and upset and could never understand why she didn’t like me any more. A big cavern had been created because I didn’t understand. To this very day, it was never resolved. Now, I am too grown up to care.

Perhaps family members treat you badly and you put up with it because they are your family. Ask yourself if you would tolerate this behavior if it came from a stranger. Ask yourself what beliefs you hold, that would make you choose to put up with unacceptable behavior from relatives. Are those beliefs really true and are they working for you.

I love my parents and siblings unconditionally but we are not really close. I believe that I was the black sheep and now we live very different lives. I am a flamboyant liberal and they are conservative. That’s just the way it is. We still visit occasionally and talk until midnight.

Our family is important to us when we grow up. That is where we learn the most. Our interactions with them are the classrooms of life. Each and every confrontation we have with them is a lesson that we will take with us when we leave the nest. I’ll actually go so far as to say that the purpose of human relationships may be the expansion of consciousness itself. Through the process of identifying and resolving relationship problems, we’re forced to deal with our internal incongruencies. And as we become more conscious on the inside, our relationships expand towards greater consciousness on the outside.

The Significance Of Family Law

  • February 11, 2019

The ever famous quote, “The only permanent thing in the world is change,” may be over used but it is true. Two people who may be very much in love today and so determined to get married and have a family can never be sure of how they are going to be in a few years time. They may be on very good terms today but they could also be the greatest enemies at some point of their lives. Because of this, family law is very important in today’s society. It may not be able to keep a family intact when their individual differences are tearing them apart but it is can help in giving them a civil and responsible end to the relationship.

Family law covers the legal concerns in a couple’s marriage especially when they find it necessary to divorce. A family lawyer will educate both parties about the consequences of divorce and their responsibilities. Family law covers the legal partition of conjugal properties in a way so that the separating parties do not have to fight over it and have an even more intense misunderstanding.

In case the separating parties have children, family law also gives their children security for their future. It defines to parents their responsibilities, like child support and child custody. It gives them the obligation to perform their responsibilities as parents and not to let their children live in a tormented “broken family” type of situation. It obliges parents to secure their children’s future by still providing for their necessities and other family needs. In case one of the parents decide to marry again, family law also covers prenuptial agreements which gives protection to his or her assets and makes sure that they are rightfully given to the children when the right time comes. It guarantees the security of the children’s future.

Even after divorce, the children should have the right to meet the family that they came from. They deserve to know who their relatives are or who their grandparents are. Family law covers grandparents’ rights, as well. If you have a good family lawyer, despite having gone through a divorce you will be guaranteed that you and your ex-partner are still be able to enjoy a peaceful civil relationship. Your children will not be as deeply affected by your marital fate.

Domestic violent is a common problem. Because of this, family law ensures protection for every member of the family – especially the children. It serves as a shield against emotional and physical abuse. It gives restraining orders to those who threaten you and your children. It gives PFA, or Protection for Abuse, orders to those who are being threatened.

Family law is very significant in protecting families; a wife, a husband and their children can never be certain about what their lives will be like in the future. Whether you have a good family relationship right now or not, it is best to get family law advice to guarantee yourself and your family security for your future.