How to Attract Positive Relationships

  • January 7, 2019

As I have discussed, life can be like a puzzle, with the four corner pieces in place, the rest is easier to put together. This is a deeper look into the fourth corner, your relationship health. The first corner being your physical health, second is mental health and third is spiritual health.

We are designed to build relationships. Family can be used as an example of a relationship. Although, family is a relative term, it can be used to describe numerous kinds of relationships in your life.

There could be people you care about, and who you are in relationship with, that are not blood relatives. However, because of time spent together building and growing, you are a “family” of sorts. You may also have blood-relatives who have not spent time in your life and although you are related, they may not feel like family.

Family comes from a close nurturing relationship. There is a family you come from, and families you build. Many are lucky enough to have other groups that are considered “family” to nurture them. These kinds of non-traditional relationships are very valuable, but often overlooked.

Research has shown that people who engage in regular social interaction or who have close friendships live longer and are happier. What a surprise! That is what we were designed for. The result of nurturing friendships and family will result in fulfillment and satisfaction.

It is important to be open and sensitive to the needs of others. When feeling low or discouraged, you need only to look outside yourself and find someone else to lift up. Give, Give, Give! Your money, your talent, your time, your encouragement and your love. Whatever you give away in good will, you will receive more in return.

Do more than people ask of you. Look for ways you can be helpful and don’t wait to be asked. Practice asking people about their life, their ideas and their family and listen, listen, listen. Make eye contact and put to memory what people tell you.

Focus only on the event you have at hand and decrease multitasking. Be aware of being too wired to technology. Sometimes it is valuable to turn off the cell phone or computer and engage fully in the task at hand.

Give your time to the things you believe in. Even when the tasks seem mundane, give your full attention to it. Consider that you will reap what you sow, when it comes to your attitude about this.

We are often unable to fix our own problems. But we can be used to help others fix theirs. In this way you fulfill the relationship circle. If you could always fix your own problems you would not need to lean on or build relationships with other people. Zig Zigler said, “You can have anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”

This kind of thinking will help you develop depth of character. By doing so, your future will become more prosperous and fulfilling. During this process, be cautious not to dwell on the past or anticipate the future at the expense of the present.

You need to value the journey and see the rewards that come from building a strong foundation. Much of your direction is determined from your attitude. A good attitude is a product of good thinking. “Where the mind goes, the man follows.”

Watch what you are thinking. Don’t just think any thought that falls into your head. Use discipline to keep your mind positive and pure. Whether conscious or not, what you have on your mind will manifest itself in your words and actions.

Just as they say “garbage in, garbage out” it is also “goodness in, and goodness out”. So what does this mean in regards to building your foundation of wellness? It means everything. Your attitude will affect the opportunities that will shape your future. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right!”

Building a strong network of relationships is just one piece of the puzzle. Embrace each piece in your journey with enthusiasm and an outlook of optimism. Believe that when the four corner pieces are firmly in place, you will have created a healthy frame for a lifetime of wellness.

“Wellness Matters” Article Series by Lisa Schilling RN, CPT

Speaker, Writer, Wellness Coach & Consultant

Lisa Schilling is the author of “The Get REAL Guide to Health and Fitness-FIVE STEPS to Create Your Own Personal Wellness Plan” She is juggles life as a doting wife and the mother of three boys, who keep her feet firmly planted on the ground!

Lisa is a Registered Nurse, author and recovering pageant queen, who spreads hope with her Get REAL approach to wellness. She empowers women, caregivers and groups to unleash their fullest potential by helping them to see their true beauty and discover their REAL value.

She feels passionate about spreading this message of hope and acceptance to help others be PROactive about their health and not simply REactive. Lisa uses her enthusiasm to inspire people to value and appreciate who they are. She helps people build a bridge from where they are, to where they want to be.

How to Attain Your Dreams Without Losing Your Relationship

  • January 6, 2019

When I decided to pursue my goal of becoming a full-time published author I knew that I would need the financial, emotional and spiritual support of my fiancĂ© and children. During this time I had given up a successful and profitable Insurance business that I formed in the Fall of 2008. Doing so took all there was within me to muster the courage to walk away from what was comfortable for us all, in order to have a lifestyle that would supersede any of our expectations. Although all the odds seemed against me, and everything in my life (personally and professionally) suggested that the timing wasn’t right… everything in my soul screamed that the timing could not be better. After much debate within myself, I decided to draft a plan that would be achievable for me and my family. Having formed two successful businesses in the past I knew that I would have to draft a plan that would make sense personally and professionally.

The plan would include 3 parts: 1) How would I support myself and any expenses associated with pursuing my dream? 2) How will I divide my time between pursuing my dream and spending time with my family? 3) And how would I get my fiancé and family to approve of this plan also?

The #1 challenge of those seeking to pursue a dream/goal is getting their spouse to support their endeavors. The 2nd issue is that most of us have children and household expenses that need the support of the income from our jobs/career. And finally, we’re also faced with the difficulty of allocating the time and energy needed to pursue our dream (which could be classified as another “job” to your spouse and children). So how do we overcome these obstacles?

First, find the intent behind your need for accomplishing this goal. And how does your family benefit from your pursuit, and the fulfillment of this dream? Share these reasons with your family… and be completely honest with them about it. Integrity is a MUST! Is this a passion… or just a pipedream? Were you already fulfilling your purpose and decided to put it on hold to start a family, and now you’re looking to return to it? Allow your family to ask you the really tough questions so that they can fully comprehend your need for pursuing this goal. If for any reason your family doesn’t believe in the “why” behind your passion, getting them to support it will be nil to none.

Secondly, ask your family to help you draft a plan of action. Getting your family to participate in the fulfillment of your dreams makes them feel that it’s their dream also. People love to be a part of a winning team. Statistics have proven that people will do more for others than they will do for themselves. And if your spouse/family feels that the game plan they helped to draft, is a believable one that they will benefit from also, they each will do everything necessary to help you accomplish this endeavor.

And thirdly, celebrate along the way! Ensure your family that the sacrifice of time or financial resources will be rewarded greatly. Draft a plan that allows for breaks to relax and spend time with your family. If you’re working a full-time job and use the time you’re at home to work a small business, then schedule 10-15 minute breaks every hour to spend with them ONLY. If possible, turn off all electronics devices during break time. If you use the weekends to work towards the fulfillment of your dream, I suggest working 3 weekends and taking the last weekend off. If you’re using the additional money that was once allocated for family entertainment to help finance your goal, then find other things to do with your family that doesn’t require a lot of money (i.e picnics at the park, roller skating, bowling, a movie matinee/rental, window shopping, family game nights of UNO, Monopoly, Scrabble, etc). Your family needs and loves you… and it is IMPERATIVE that you convey these same emotions by ensuring that you don’t get so caught up in the pursuit that you arrive at the finish line all alone!

Boundaries in Relationships

  • January 6, 2019

Today’s teenagers are generally considered as being egoistic, uncaring, and insolent spoilt brats who do not own any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Contrary to the sceptics amongst us, this perception of teenagers is completely wrong in the majority of instances. Talk to your teen, on his or her level, about sensitive issues or family feud questions that need to be talked about within the family, and you will see that your son or daughter does rely on you, as a parent for guidance, and to ensure domestic tranquility. It is never too soon to start talking about sensitive topics, however, it can regrettably be far too late.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that your teen really wants you to establish boundaries within the family. They may chew at the bit for a short time, but they’re really just trying you out to see how serious you really are about the boundaries you’ve set to ensure domestic tranquility. So whatever you do, stick to your guns!

Our children need to know, and they deserve to know where their parents stand on matters such as sex, drugs, alcohol, dating, and other topics. At the same time, they also need to know that you care about their concerns and thoughts. You ought to talk about matters with your teenagers, not just give them a list of rules they must follow to the letter, because we say so! Kids of all ages need some freedom to explore and grow, and all the while parents need to make sure that their teenage children can approach them to discuss anything whatsoever. If you cannot do that, there are enough outside influences just waiting to take your place.

* Tell your kids what you require of them both at home and in public.

* Respect them as the independent, young adults that they are and they will be a lot more respectful of you.

* If they need to unload on you or confide in you, be positive when they do approach you with problems or concerns.

It’s natural your teen will have queries about topics that they are interested in, and it is important that you never make your teen feel like their comments are stupid or their thoughts immature and don’t ignore these matters. Always be up front and be completely honest with them and express your concerns and share your experience with the subjects at hand. This is parent and teenager bonding at its best.

A great way to address your teenager’s problems, even before they rise to the surface is to practice with your partner asking questions your teen might ask you. Then discuss and find the answers that will cover their fears or concerns. By doing this, you will be prepared and will be better equipped to enter into a dialogue with your teenager when the situation arises. For obvious reasons, you don’t want your child to think his, or her, parents are making fun of them, so only indulge in role play when you are alone with your partner.

Now and again teens will ask questions at the most inappropriate time, much like a toddler will. Try not to be caught off guard too much. Be forthright with them rather than pushing the question to the side. Take the matter up at the time, rather than being forced to contradict any information they get from their friends, at a later date, or anyone else who are more than happy to talk with them about it.

Let your teenager know if you don’t feel comfortable discussing a particular topic, but emphasize that your relationship is more important than a little bit of discomfort. They may be uncomfortable bringing the subject up as well. Remember, you don’t have to spell out every single detail of your own puberty to your child, but using examples and lessons you have learned along the way should confirm that you wasn’t born the other side of the dark ages!

Teenagers may think they know everything, but they don’t. They need to learn as they develop into adulthood. Bear in mind, your responsibility as a parent doesn’t just stop when your child crosses the threshold into adulthood. On the contrary. In actual fact you graduate to a whole new level in your relationship. Take every chance to talk with your teenager about sensitive issues, puberty, boundaries in relationships, family feud questions and establish boundaries. Do it now while they are still at home, and before it’s too late to have an influence on them.